Tonight I am tired. An in-your-bones kind of tired. The kind of tired I have not experienced since helplessly watching my Mother battle lung cancer, only to lose to death. The kind of tired that encompasses both physical exhaustion and overwhelming mental weariness. The kind of tired that makes my weakness, and brokenness, curl up together in one big, knotted, and tangled up, yarn-heap right between my shoulder blades. I am spent—truly spent.
But how could this be? Nothing out of the ordinary happened today.
And, wasn’t it only three days ago I started this challenge hanging on the sun’s golden rays not seeing a cloud in the sky? The beginning of 31 days of a new-found hope to live intentional? And, now, in less than 96 hours, I’ve walked (no, run) right back down to the same ole damp basement that lives in the corner of my mind. The one that houses: another day without any kind of meditation on, or reading in, God’s Word, another day of failed schedule hopes and organizational possibilities, another day late on bills and a dollar short in getting it together. Another day of being reactive rather than proactive.
(As you can see, I’m truly having an open pity-party for myself—and it’s ugly.)
What I really want to do—no, need to do— is to slam that dang basement door shut once and for all. To find the eucharisteo in this moment, and every moment afterward.
But, how?
First, I must fall on my knees, thank God for bringing me to this point, and admit I am weak—that I am foolish and self-absorbed. I need to acknowledge that I need help—God’s help. I need to repent for not trusting in Christ’s goodness, and promises. And, I need to believe, truly believe, that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Second, I need to get off my adolescent derriere and move forward with a game plan. Getting proactive requires effort. And, that needs to start with some sort of questioning. How does God want my life to look? What is my purpose? What is it that is important to Him—to my children, to my husband, to me? How do I want to spend my time here on earth? What would be the best way to live intentional?
Third, I need to label/identify areas I think I’m being called to change. I have come up with six specific places where growth has been stunted. Six spheres of where I need to live intentional. Here’s what I’ve named, and where I’m going to start:
- Acknowledge my Weakness. Pray for Spiritual Growth & Maturity. Read my Bible.
- Implement a Schedule & Time Management Strategy for Home, School, & Work
- Develop an Organizational Routine for Home & School
- Generate Additional Revenue Streams
- Be Creative—Blog & Make Jewelry
- Start a Health & Fitness Plan
In the following days I will be praying, and developing, a more specific regime. One where that creaky basement door gets permanently sealed up tight.
Thank you Lord for bringing me to this point for in my weakness you are made strong.
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
What a beautiful, honest place on the internet, thank you so much for sharing with all of us!!
This has, as you can see, been a hard challenge for me so far. But, Lord willing, I WILL complete this challenge. Thanks for reading.
If, as you formulate your ways to live intentionally, you come up with any tips, please share! I think living intentionally is difficult when all I really have time to do is study or work, but I still want to cultivate intentionality in all areas of my life.
Hope it happens quickly because 7 days into it, I’m flapping around like a fish that has been quickly pulled into the strange-new-world-boat of blogland. Yikes!